so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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