Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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