I need help removing her.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Houston, we have a blender
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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