He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Hippo gnu deer
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
