Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
