are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
