sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
