The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
