Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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