Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
