I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
