you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
