Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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