Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I think people are normalizing furries
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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