Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
