She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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