There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
