I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
