Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
