Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Of course I have a pirate flag
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
