I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
