Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
i think i just lost a toe
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
