I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
