god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Enjoy the penises
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
