I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
