No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Text me some of your sweat
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