: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
