How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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