if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
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