You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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