yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
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Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
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the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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