is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
