Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
