They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
