Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
In other news, I just burned my penis
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
