I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
