sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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