I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
