Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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