paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
