i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
