Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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