i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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