Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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