didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
