Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
