watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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