...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
there's paper in my vomit.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
