I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
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