So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
