: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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