lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
