you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
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I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
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Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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