Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
