I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
