I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
