you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
