and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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