I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
