out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
