I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
