Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
