so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
