WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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