It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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