i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
