Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
