youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
