And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
