yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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