I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
