Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I have post one night stand depression
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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