Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize