he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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