He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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