me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
