Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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