Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
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I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
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I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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