so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
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