They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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