so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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