It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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